1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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