Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
