found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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