The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
