Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just invented taco cereal.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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