you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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