2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
