Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
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