If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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