Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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