when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Mom said you looked used
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
