if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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