I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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