yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize