This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Ladies don't puke and tell
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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