Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
