My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Randomize
