you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
