he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
