My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
