this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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