im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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