So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
