People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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