I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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