I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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