Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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