Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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