I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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