they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
