just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
