theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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