I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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