everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
