Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
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I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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