mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
