my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
