did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
