You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Are we still banned from the library?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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