Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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