Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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