He disabled his match.com account in front of me
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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