Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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