if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
