so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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