Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
