Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
