Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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