I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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