By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
