remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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