He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
