Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
