I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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