whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
