You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
