Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
