Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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