Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
