Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
