I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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