I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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