I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
