You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
