There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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