im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Drake has all the answers
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
