How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
