alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
