I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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