we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize