I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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