Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
We got so high we made milksteak
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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