Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
