ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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