I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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