hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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