3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
