Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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