I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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