Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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