That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
