U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Even my vagina gasped.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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