There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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