I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
