great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
