guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
i now understand why vodka
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
