she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
