Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
